Matfield Green - Our first years

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Why move to Kansas?

The story of my move to Kansas starts out as a love story. In October 2000 I went to a party. Saw a man I'd admired (read, "fantasized about") for years standing alone in the parking lot. Buoyed by a couple (read, "three") glasses of wine, I approached, said hello, stood closer to him than I had stood before.

We liked it.

There came a moment when a former co-worker of mine inserted himself in the conversation. It was bound to happen and usually I would have gone with the flow and released my connection to Bill leaving the next step to him or to fate or to the rhythm of the night, but not this time. I turned to talk with David, but at the same time, reached back and grabbed Bill's hand. He was flattered, intrigued and a bit overwhelmed by the attention, I think. Alone again and releasing ourselves to the giddiness of the moment, Bill asked me if I would move to Kansas with him in 5 years. I said yes. And meant it.

It was his adventure. His early retirement dream to live on the prairie - 500 acres at least - nurture the land, make art, watch birds, be a part of the natural world. My attraction was physical - to him, to the idea of hard work, outdoors, weather and wind. I was at the end of a 9 year relationship. Years of aborted intimacy had left me emotionally exhausted, disappointed in the limits of my intellect, disconnected from my spiritual self. I felt only physically strong and available. My body would lead me back to my self.

I was drawn to the man and to the dream. Later, I would develop my own attachment to the land.


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